Soulmate. A dangerous theory because it fools us into believing that love and marriage hinge on emotional trance. That there must be a fairy tale-like moments that needs to happen before you consider that person that they are already the one. And even more harmful, it gets you to believe that you are incomplete until you find your other half.
Okay, hopeless romantic pips, before sending me death threats written on your blood or killing me in your literature, please try to hear me out.
According to Wikipedia, soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, friendship, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, sexual activity, spirituality, or compatibility and trust.
Soulmate started in ancient mythology. Story has it, that human originally had two pairs of arms, two pairs of legs, four eyes, two noses and two mouths. Since they terrified Zeus (well, try to imagine them, they are really creepy!), or in other story as a punishment for their too much pride, Zeus split each human in half and left them to wander aimlessly around the mortal world searching for their other half.
I get it, soulmate, the idea of having someone “destined” for you. Like Cinderella, she’s destined for Prince Charming, Ariel was for Prince Eric, Belle was for the Beast, Aurora for Prince Phillip and all of them had their happily ever after as they found one another.
It’s a kind of once in a blue moon thing, like you’re inside a romantic movie or you’re the protagonist of a romantic story in Wattpad.
Okay drum rolls. Light the fireworks. Let the search for the one begin, and may the odds be ever in your favor.
Where will we start?
Assume that your soulmate was set at birth (as like in the mythology, you were separated before birth), you know nothing about him, you don’t even have a matching tattoo that will ease your quest and it will be just the quixotic cliché that you’ll recognize each other the moment your eyes met…then that means you need to meet the seven billion plus of living people before you’ll actually meet him.
How romantic! Imagine your soulmate is actually out there, part of the billions of living people or wait…he can also be part of the hundred billions of dead, right? Why?
Humans aren’t immortal, there are thousands of what ifs. What if your twin flame was ran by a truck on his way home or he’s terminally ill and already died? What if your soulmate was way too older and already got married and living with his own family? Or what if he’s not even born yet? What if he lives on the different side of the world? He has different culture or language? What if he’s not even your opposite sex?
In addition to that, there are billions of galaxies out there and there’s a big probability that there’s life out there other than the humans of Earth. So…I’m sorry to say this. But…your soulmate might even be an alien.
Relax! I was just kidding! Soul mate doesn’t work that way. Isn’t it?
Drop the illusion of free will! Everything was destined in this world. Remember when you failed in one of your subject? Do not blame yourself for that was fated to happen. No matter how hard you’ll study, if you’re destined to fail, nothing will stop it! So just sit in front of your computer, open your Facebook and paste this in your status. “What is meant to be always finds a way.” And tag your professor.
It’s the same with your soulmate. He’ll appear no matter what. Even if you don’t date anyone or do anything to meet anyone, he’ll just show up on your door, holding a bouquet of red roses, a box of chocolates and he’s ready to claim your heart. Stay put right there and wait. If you’re already seventy-six and he’s still not there, well, maybe he’s also waiting for you. Touché!
Your soulmate is the one you always dream (awake or asleep). For girls, he’s the one with six pack abs, perfect physique, hard biceps or even triceps (OMG), and has a very long…patience. Yeah, he’s kind, hardworking, rich and romantic. Smart and really handsome. For boys, your soulmate is cup D. She has a long silky hair, she can even be a model of shampoo! She has smooth, unblemished skin. She knows how to cook and she’s not that clingy. Your soulmate is the one you consciously desire. Excited now, don’t ya?
Third, you don’t have one soulmate, in fact you have a lot. And as Wiki defines, you have a romantic/love soulmate, bestfriend soulmate, spiritual soulmate, compatible soulmate…and sexual soulmate. Oh! What a light bulb moment! That explains cheating and third parties. They are just being too romantic for they found their different soulmates in the same time. What’s wrong with that?
This might contradict the third one, but your soulmate is always single. Why? He’ll wait for you no matter what. You might be tormented by the fact that your soulmate is in a relationship with someone right now, kissing another woman or man, or planning their wedding-for-the-century ceremony…stop the trepidation, for it won’t happen! Uh-oh! I can already hear someone evil-laughing. Yes, do not worry! No matter what sacrifices they made to work out their relationship, they are not meant to be! Let’s call it fate, let’s call it destiny. *insert dramatic song here*
Soulmates are always human, so don’t worry having an alien, a dog or an inanimate object for a soulmate. And don’t be jealous with your boyfriend’s race car, it’s not his soulmate.
Soulmates are the opposite gender. Then what about same sex relationships and marriage? Fuck. Who knows? Maybe they are not for each other?
Your soulmate is not going to divorce you. It will always be forever. He’s your always, remember? Your happily ever after. No matter how jerk, asshole and slut you are, he will always be there for you. He’ll understand you.
Lastly, he’s the only one who will complete you. He’s your missing half. He’ll be the only one who’ll bring satisfaction, wholeness and happiness to you. So you need to find him no matter what!
Oh fuckers! Wake up!
Stop your deliriums! Stop believing “I have one almost-perfect person destined for me, and when our eyes met, time will stop, there will be cascading rainbows everywhere and it will be magic, and finally, I will be complete!”
You’re already fucking complete! Maybe sometimes you don’t feel like that, but believe me, you don’t need to find your soulmate just to be whole.
If you are in a relationship, especially, married, and you’re regretting marrying him, thinking he was not the one for you…stop using soulmates as an excuse. There’s no custom made soulmate for you! Two people don’t need to be soulmates just to have a fulfilling and-they-live-happily-ever-after kind of relationship. You and your partner needs to work everything out! Your relationship should be toughened by time, like metal by fire. You need to face every challenges together.
Oh wait. Slow down! Don’t get me wrong. I was not saying that you don’t have to be picky when you choose someone to marry, of course you need someone compatible with you and someone you love. But when you marry, you vow to honor, love, and cherish your spouse through easy times and hard times until death, it will not always be magical! There will be ups and down.
And if you are single, instead of looking for him, who will love you, why not try to learn loving yourself?
Don’t rely to your soulmate for your happiness. Look inside your precious soul, and there, you’ll find the magic that you’re looking for.